The Junk Drawer

Unposted Quotes:

I believe projects are like fine wine- they improve with age. --Riva P.
Procrastinate? Who procrastinates? It's called 'waiting for the opportune moment.' --Riva P.
What's wrong with empty calories? If they're empty, it means there's nothing bad in them! --Randy Glasbergen
All I want is everything. Is that a problem?

If life hands you lemons, make sweets!

I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.

Indecision is the key to flexibility.
�I always wanted to be a procrastinator, but I never got around to it.
My apartment was robbed and everything was replaced with exact replicas...I told my roommate and he said 'Do I know you?'--Steven Wright
If Dracula can't see his reflection in a mirror, how come his hair is always so neatly combed?--Steven Wright
� One of life's mysteries is how a two pound box of candy can make a woman gain five pounds.
�Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.
When you go to a trial, you're putting yourself in the hands of twelve people that weren't smart enough to get themselves out of jury duty.
Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk,my first instinct is to laugh.But then I think, what if I was an ant, and she fell on me.Then it wouldn�t seem quite so funny. --Jack Handey
I think the worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades...or a game of fake heart attack.
"When you go in for a job interview, I think a good thing to ask is if they ever press charges.--Jack Handey
People will accept your ideas much more readily if you tell them that Benjamin Franklin said it first. --David H. Comins
Sometimes I wonder, "Why is that frisbee getting bigger?... and then it hits me.
"If life hands you lemons, make chocolate milk!" --Nesquik
"We live in an age where pizza gets to your home before the police."
There was a great loss recently. Larry LaPrise, who wrote the "Hokey Pokey," died at age 83. It was extremely difficult for the family to keep him in the casket. They'd put his left leg in and...well, you know the rest.
"A foolish man tells a woman to stop talking, but a wise man tells her that her mouth is extremely beautiful when her lips are closed."

Sponsored Link