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  1. Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.

  2. Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 telling them to sit down and be quiet.

  3. Children will soon forget your presents, they will always remember your presence. - Dobson

  4. There is only one pretty child in the world and every mother has it--Chinese Proverb

  5. Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like clearing the drive before it stops snowing.

  6. Insanity is hereditary. You get it from your kids.

  7. They say kids brighten the home. That's because they never turn the lights off.

  8. I have teenagers. Pray for me.

  9. "You're a good example of why some animals eat their young."--Jim Samuels

  10. If your parents never had children, chances are you won�t either.

  11. Children are unpredictable. You never know what inconsistency they're going to catch you in next.*

  12. Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said.*

  13. "The best way to keep kids at home is to make the home a pleasant atmosphere...and let the air out of their tires." --Dorothy Parker

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  1. Growing old is mandatory, but growing up is optional

  2. Birthdays are good for you - the more you have the longer you live.

  3. Life is a test, and I didn't take very good notes.

  4. The meaning of life is to give life meaning.

  5. It is hard to understand how a cemetery raised its burial cost and blamed it on the cost of living.

  6. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

  7. I intend to live forever-so far so good.

  8. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

  9. Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive.

  10. Once over the hill, you pick up speed.

  11. Middle age is when the broadness of the mind and the narrowness of the waist change places.

  12. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.

  13. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.

  14. I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.

  15. A day without sunshine is like, well, night.

  16. I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.

  17. If the shoe it in every color.

  18. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.

  19. They keep saying the right person will come along...I think a truck hit mine!

  20. The future aint what it used to be-Yogi Bera

  21. We may be alone. We may not be alone. Either way, the thought is staggering.

  22. "I never think of the future. It comes soon enough." --Albert Einstein

  23. A penny saved is a government overlook.

  24. Birthdays are like glazed donuts. Sometimes its better not to remember how many you've had.

  25. "There are many types of ships. There are wooden ships, plastic ships, and metal ships. But the best and most important types of ships are friendships."--Old Irish Quote

  26. Strangers are just friends waiting to happen.

  27. Without friends no one would choose to live, though he had all other goods.

  28. Like many women my age, I am 28 years old.

  29. Age is a number and mine is unlisted.

  30. You know you are getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.

  31. When I have a birthday I take the day off. But when my wife has a birthday, she takes a year or two off.

  32. Time and Tide wait for no man, but time always stands still for a woman of thirty.

  33. Birthdays are like buses, never the number you want.

  34. The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.

  35. We'll be friends until we're old and senile. Then We'll be NEW friends.

  36. The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume knob also turns to the left.-- Jerry M. Wright*

  37. You know you're getting older when the candles cost more than the cake.-- Bob Hope*

  38. You can't do anything about the length of your life, but you can do something about its width and depth.-- Shira Tehrani*

  39. "When a door closes another door should open, but if it doesn't then go in through the window." *

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