Funny Sayings

To make you laugh

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Egoists
Pearls of W

Egoists

  1. If nobodys perfect I must be nobody.

  2. I used to be conceited but now I'm perfect.

  3. My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.

  4. My only flaw is that I'm perfect.

  5. Remember there is no I in team... (But there is an M and an E)

  6. An egotist has one point in his favor - he doesn't go around talking about other people!

  7. Don't believe that sort of rubbish, unless you hear it from me

  8. I'm so great I'm jealous of myself

  9. Everyone is entitled to my opinion.

  10. Save time... see it my way.

  11. There are two ways to look at things: Either my way or the wrong way. (User Submitted-Thank you!)

  12. It matters not whether you win or lose; what matters is whether I win or lose.

  13. I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.

  14. He is a self-made man and worships his creator. (User submitted-Thank you!)

  15. I may not always be right, but I'm never wrong.*
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Pearls of W

  1. A word to the wise is unnecessary. - La Rouchefoucauld

  2. Anything that is designed to do more than one thing can't do any of them well.

  3. If you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain.

  4. Whoever said sun brings happiness never danced in the rain.

  5. A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.

  6. A classic is a book that is much praised yet rarely read.

  7. Every snowflake in an avalanche pleads not guilty.

  8. It takes one tree to make 10,000 matches, but one match to burn 10,000 trees.

  9. Long periods of drought are always followed by rain.

  10. It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for what you are not.

  11. Let everyone sweep in front of his own door, and the whole world will be clean.

  12. Reach for the moon. Even if you miss you'll land among the stars.

  13. Junk is something you've kept for years and throw it away three weeks before you need it.

  14. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.

  15. Bills travel through the mail twice the speed of checks.

  16. Dogs have owners. Cats have staff.

  17. Honest criticism is hard to take, particularly from a relative, a friend, an acquaintance, or a stranger--Franklin P. Jones

  18. Everyone is the age of their heart.--Guatealan proverb

  19. Nobody knows the age of the human race, but everybody agrees that it is old enough to know better.

  20. The assassin and the slanderer differ only in the weapon they use; with the one it is the dagger, with the other the tongue. The latter is worse than the former, for the first only kills the body, while the other murders the reputation--Tyron Edwards

  21. Be more concerned with your character than with your reputation. Your character is what you really are while your reputation is merely what others think you are--Dale Carnegie

  22. If I were asked to enumerate ten educational stupidities, the giving of grades would head the list... If I can't give a child a better reason for studying than a grade on a report card, I ought to lock my desk and go home and stay there.--Dorothy De Zouche

  23. How can a society that exists on instant mashed potatoes, packaged cake mixes, frozen dinners, and instant cameras teach patience to its young?--Paul Sweeney

  24. Don't think there are no crocodiles because the water is calm--Malayan proverb

  25. When the eagles are silent, the parrots begin to jabber.--Sir Winston Churchill

  26. A war never decides who is right, but who is left.

  27. Rule one: The wife is always right.

    Rule two: If the wife is not right, refer back to rule one. (User submitted-Thank you!)

  28. A day without sunshine is like night.

  29. Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.

  30. A positive attitude will not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort. --Herm Albright*

  31. Never hire a color blind Bomb Technician.*

  32. Skill is successfully walking a tightrope across Niagra Falls... Intelligence is not trying.*

  33. A smooth sea never made a skillful mariner.*

  34. It matters not what someone is born, but what they grow to be.J. K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire*

  35. There's always free cheese in the mouse traps, but the mice there ain't happy.*

  36. "Although no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending." --Roberta Brenick *

  37. It's easier to go down a hill than up, but the view is much better at the top. --Henry Ward Beecher.*

  38. "You must be fired with enthusiasm, or you will be fired with enthusiasm! ----Vince Lombardi*

  39. "The best way to have a good life is to have good genes." --Gussin*
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